Reasons why marriage is delayed
Preparation of dowry
Dowry is the collection of gifts and necessities of life that parents give to their daughters when departing. As per capacity, giving necessary things without any demand and showing off is lawful according to the Sharīʿah-
If a parent pleasantly gives their daughter some necessary things on the occasion of marriage, this will not be forbidden. The Prophet of Allah sallahu alaihi wasllam gave Sayyidah Fāṭimah (rz) a hand-mill, a water skin for and a leather mat made of skin, filled with the fibre of palm tree.It is very much likely that the Messenger of Allah must have arranged something for other daughters as sallahu alaihi wasllam well. It is reported that when the husband of Sayyidah Zaynab (rz), who had not accepted Islam by then, was arrested on the occasion of the Battle of Badr. In order to get him released, she sent a necklace which Sayyidah Khadījah Al-Kubrā had given her
These ḥadīths prove that it is allowed for the parents to give dowry to a daughter-
Mawlānā Ashraf ʿAlī Thānwī (ra) says
The dowry which is actually a kindness towards daughter is not only lawful; rather it is desirable. Giving dowry is not a bad thing, when one marries off his daughter. However, they should give in dowry the stuffs which are of help and use for her. What should be given in dowry is as follows-
A Do not give more than the capacity-
B Take the necessities into consideration i.e. the things which are needed should be given-
C Do not show the dowry items because it is kindness towards daughter so there is no need to demonstrate and show-
All the three above mentioned recommendations are proved by the act of the Prophet sallahu alaihi wasllam-
The evil practice of the current dowry system
The dowry custom, prevalent nowadays, is not allowed according to Sharīʿah and highly condemnable because this social perversion has made the marriage of a girl very difficult for poor parents
A The fiqh scholars have declared that it is a bribe and ḥarām (forbidden) to demand money, bike and other precious items on the part of the boy and his family, or to demand the aforementioned things through other people, as some gentlemen do, and compel the daughter’s family to handsome dowry
B The parents fear that their daughter will be looked down at, if the dowry is not given in large amount and they, therefore, try to give more than they afford and lastly get overburdened by interest-based loan while it is also ḥarām to use this type of loan
C The girl is condemned, beaten up and even killed in some cases because of not giving dowry
D Giving dowry out of one’s desire for show-off, fame, pride, instead of kindness, is immensely condemned in Islam
E The poor girls stay unmarried for a long period of time due to not being able to afford dowry, which is undoubtedly an injustice to girls
F The poor parents undergo depression due to not having dowry items. They are compelled to manage the dowry by going through unbearable hardships and difficulties
In short, the practice of dowry, consisting of the aforementioned evils, will not be allowed at any cost-Reasons why marriage is delayed-
Extravagance
One of the occasions on which people recklessly spend money is marriage. The amount of money, being spent in following baseless customs from engagement to marriage feast, in exchanging gifts, booking a high class marriage hall and in decoration, all this is not hidden from the eyes of wise people. How good it would be if extravagance is avoided and the money is spent in religious causes, wellbeing of the society in order to provide help and assistance to the poor and make them economically independent –
Not only the poor even the people from the well–to-do societies also obtain interest-based loans only for the purpose of realising their useless and unlawful desires while Islam urges to make the marriage simple and cheap-
The Messenger of Allah sallahu alaihi wasllam said-
A marriage with the greatest blessing is the one which causes lesser financial burden-
There are only two types of expenditure concerning marriage; expenditure of dower and (2) expenditure of marriage feast-
The dower is what a groom gives to his bride in return of marriage, and marriage feast as per the capacity is the responsibility of the groom. No burden of economic expenditure lies on the shoulder of a bride and her guardians. But, today a girl’s marriage has become an unbearable burden due to the prevalent lavish expenditures in our society while the girl is considered a source of mercy in Islam-Reasons why marriage is delayed-
Delay of marriage for education
An appropriate age for a boy’s marriage is 25 years and for a girl it is 18 years. Even after reaching an appropriate age, some people delay marriage to achieve a specific degree so that they can get a good job and collect some money and the money can suffice to conduct the marriage or they delay to get a good job so that they can get married with a girl from a well-to-do family and so on-
After a girl reaches an appropriate age, the guardians make the excuse of her education and delay the marriage. They excuse that a good partner can be found if a specified degree is achieved, otherwise an educated partner is not available to marry her. If the higher education means for her to earn money, then it must be taken into consideration that the Sharīʿah does not make women responsible for economic burden at any stage of her life.
responsibility of a woman’s expenditure lies on her father, brother, husband and son
The responsibility of a woman’s expenditure lies on her father, brother, husband and son. A woman is not compelled to earn livelihood by going outside her house. If the higher education means to find a well-to-do boy, then it will also be against the commands of the Sharīʿah because shariah has made religion and good manner a criterion for marriage. However, allowing higher obtain her education in order to get a good job or find a well-to-do boy in co-educational system, with her face unveiled, immodesty and freely moving from home to the college all are a poison for the chastity, honor and respect of a girl-
But a girl can go for higher education of some particular department, which is specifically reserved for women, even after her marriage. Going for education after marriage is best and most secure way to avoid the violation of a woman’s esteem and her chastity-Reasons why marriage is delayed
