Selection of a partner of life

Selection of a partner of life: A human society comes into existence through the union of a male and a female. The child gets nutrition in the womb of its mother before it is born.

The first educational institution of a child after birth is the lap of its mother from where its upbringing starts and firstly the effect of its mother reflects on its heart and mind and then he/she goes ahead with his next life with the same effect and becomes a good member of a society.

Therefore, in order to build a righteous and good society, a human being should make righteousness and religiousness the criterion for marriage instead of money and wealth. This is what the Prophet sallallhu alaihi wasllam taught us.He says

A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed.

He also says

The world is but a (quick passing) enjoyment; and the best enjoyment of the world is a pious and virtuous woman,

These ḥadīths explicitly explain that Islam prefers righteousness, religiousness and good manners instead of beauty, lineage and wealth.

The Messenger of Allah sallahu alaihi wasllam says recommending the criterion for the selection of a boy.

When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry her to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (fasād).

A husband and a wife are a partner of each other for the whole life. They accompany each other in all the states of happiness and sorrow. This is why the Glorious Qur’ān declared them as raiment and cover for each other. It reads.Selection of a partner of life-Selection of a partner of life

They are raiment for you and you are raiment for them.

This is such a description instruction that no other description better than this can ever be produced for describing the relation of a marital life.

The example of a gentle and religious spouse is an appropriate raiment that helps in all seasons because the fountain of all righteousness lies in the fear of Allah and the basis of all evils is the fearlessness of Allah. How can we expect a person,

whose heart does not brim over with a solid faith and the fear of Allah, to behave well with others. An irreligious person is not expected to behave as goodly as a religious spouse can with each other.

For this very reason, the Messenger of Allah sallallhu alaihi wasllam has declared the selection of a partner on the basis of religion full of blessings and successful.

The blessing relates to this world as well as to the Hereafter. So, a successful marital life in this world depends on the selection of a religious and good mannered partner of life.

The effect of the righteousness of to the children as well

The effect of the righteousness of a spouse goes down to the children as well and in this way the family inherits education and righteousness.

In history books, the stories of ʿUmar ibn Al-Khaṭṭāb’s selection of daughter-in-law and Saʿīd ibn Al-Musayyib’s selection of son-in-law have been mentioned in detail. If the son-in-law or daughter-in-law is religious, the religiousness will permeate the home,

Love and affection will prevail, people will turn habitual to perform ṣalāh and ṣawm (prayer and fast) and they will be eager to listen to the recitation of the Glorious Qur’ān instead of listening to songs. Then by the grace of the Almighty,

The whole family will be happy. On the contrary, it is possible that the home is decorated with outer beauty but the religiousness is disappearing, the life may be entangled in mutual detestation and selfishness instead of love and affection,

And the old parents would be a burden on their shoulders. Such examples are found in abundance in the society today-

Selection of a partner should be with the consent of the guardian

The marriage is a sacred relation the vastness of which is not only confined to the spouses but also to both the families of spouses.

This is the reason why the Sharīʿah allows the guardian to terminate the marriage if a mature girl gets herself married because the family members do not like every type of relation. They feel ashamed of binding relations with certain people.

Therefore, it matters with the marriage of a girl or a boy that the marriage should be with the consent of the family members and the guardian. If they are angry, both the husband and the wife will not get any sort of aid, love and affection. The spouses themselves will have to bear the consequences then.

Allah, the Almighty, says in the Glorious Qur’ān

And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood and kindred by marriage.

The opinion of boy should also be taken into

As  boy should respect his guardian and get benefit from their experiences and be pleased with their selection of bride, in the same way, the guardians too should also take care of the opinion and emotions of the boy while marrying him. In the current era,

Coeducation is common in schools, colleges and universities and, and men and women freely share the same places for their jobs. In this circumstance,

A boy sometimes falls in love with his female fellow and wishes to get married with her but mostly guardians or parents compel him regardless of his love and emotion and marry him with whom he does not like, and the boy willingly or unwillingly gets married but without his consent.

Therefore, he does not love his wife and does not fulfil his duties towards her and not even pays attention to her basic needs. He sometimes has dispute with his parents and some other times with his wife,

Criticizes her and complains against her and his parents before other people. The poor wife helplessly lives on the mercy of her parents-in-law. At last there remain only two options whether she appeals for divorce (khulaʿ) or husband gives her divorce.

All these problems appear because of not taking care of the emotions of the boy who is going to get married.Selection of a partner of life

The girl should also be pleased with the marriage

A girl is generally unaware of the mood of a boy and she has no experience of all the process of marriage. Therefore, Islam recommends that she should not do this important job of marriage by herself; rather her guardian should conduct this on her behalf.

But the guardian is obliged that they should explain the name and attributes of the boy in a way that she recognises him well. Then she has the option whether to accept or to reject. If she is married without her consent, she will be eligible to accept or reject after she comes to know all the details.

If she is married without her consent, the marriage cannot last longer Moreover, it will be an injustice to her and the violation of her lawful rights.

It was narrated from ʿĀ’ishah, the mother of all the believers (rz)

A girl came to her and said: ‘My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his own status thereby, and I was unwilling.’ She said: ‘Sit here until the Prophet comes.’ Then the Messenger of Allah sallallhu alaihi wasllam came, and I told him (what she had said). He sent word to her father, calling him, and he left the matter up to her.

She said: O Messenger of Allah, I accept what my father did, but I wanted to tell other women how much  our parents have control in this matter.(If girl does not like the boy she can reject him)

A woman wanted to get married with the brother of her husband her father married her to other person

Abū Salamah (rz) says

A woman (whose husband was martyred) wanted to get married with the brother of her husband but her father married her to other person who was righteous.

She came to the Messenger of Allah sallallhu alaihi wasllam and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I wanted to get married with the uncle of my children so that I could live with my children but my father married me to another person.

The Messenger of Allah sallallhu alaihi wasllam called for her father and asked: “Have you married your daughter without her consent?” He replied: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah!” The Prophet sallallhu alaihi wasllam terminated the marriage and said: “Get married with whom you wish

Both ḥadīths clarify that marrying a mature girl, married or unmarried, without her consent is not allowed.

So, in view of immodesty, coeducation and moral perversion in recent times, so many girls have their lovers. So if a girl loves an appropriate boy, she will be married to him so that the marriage lasts long and if the boy is not befitting,

the guardian should explain to her, tell her the defects and convince; but must never compel her. In case of compelling her to get married, many incidents of immorality on part of the girls take place in our society after marriage۔Selection of a partner of life

Lawfulness of looking at the fiancé

When a man wants to get something, he wishes to look at it first because he has the authority of thinking and understanding after having a look. Islam not only takes care of nature; rather it advocates and orders that if you want to get married with a girl, then first investigate her manners and attributes and the nobility of her family

Jābir (ra) narrates that the Prophet sallallhu alaihi wasllam has said:

When you wish to propose  someone, you are allowed to look at her what might motivate you to marry her.

The boy himself can have a look at her or he can consult any reliable woman because this also leads to satisfaction

The girl is also allowed to have a look at the boy

As a boy is allowed to look at the proposed girl, in the same way, the girl is also allowed to look at the boy who sent the proposal.

Sayyidnā ʿUmar (rz) narrates

A boy and a girl, going to get married, should look at each other

Allāmah Shāmī (ra) says

A woman deserves more to look at the man who has sent the proposal because the man has the right to give divorce, if he dislikes while the woman has no such rights

However, having a look at the man and woman at each other before marriage should be only with the intention to get married, and not with the intention to finish the carnal desires

Principles of looking at the proposed woman

The boy should look at the girl after he intends to get married with her and before he sends proposal because rejecting girl after sending the proposal leads her to worry and discomfort.

If he does not like the girl, he should keep silent and should not verbalise in front of others because it is a fault and also a kind of harming Muslims.

It is not good to look at the girl without firm intention to get married. (So, it will never be good to look at the girl who, he believes, will not accept the proposal.

It is better to look at her secretly.

Sayyidnā Jābir (rz) said: ‘I asked for a girl in marriage, I  looked at her secretly.

This way is better because the girl will not turn broken-hearted if she is rejected. If she knows that she is rejected after she is looked at, she can be upset.

It is allowed only to look at her, not to touch her because she is a stranger (ajnabiyyah) now.

If one glance at her suffices, the second glance will not be allowed to be cast.

He can only look at her face and palms.

Some people find it bad to show their daughters while some others, impressed by the western culture, show their daughter not only before the boy rather they present her before all the participants of the ceremony.

Both the ways are completely against the teachings of the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallhu alaihi wasllam and the spirit of the Sharīʿah as well as contrary to the consensus of the earlier Islamic scholars-Selection of a partner of life-Selection of a partner of life